he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
