Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Screwed.edu
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
