East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
