my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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