You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
