I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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