I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
false alarm, still single
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
