Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
