Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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