that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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