Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
