I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
