I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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