he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
