i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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