I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
