Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
