so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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