Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think i have two assholes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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