i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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