don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
