Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
