There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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