She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
