We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
