mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
