so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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