Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
