Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
