How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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