please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
