Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
vagina is talking i cant
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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