Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
