I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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