We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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