you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
