so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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