I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
