Need sex. Gaining weight.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
