the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
