i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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