Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
