he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Who died my cat blue again?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
