i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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