You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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