My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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