She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
