you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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