You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
