How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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