Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
