The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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