If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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