I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
