I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
please come you make the beer taste better
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
