i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
These tits shall not be calmed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
