I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
