Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
