i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
