So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
whose parrot is this?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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