Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
