I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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