If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
