Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
