I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
