I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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