I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
