All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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