he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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