Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize