Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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