Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
