a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
false alarm. still invincible.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
