I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
