My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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