apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
