proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
