Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
